From the beginning, in the early Spiritual "Brightness" of my life, I directly perceived the guiding Purpose of my life: to restore True Humor (or the all-transcending quality of Happiness, that can persist, or, otherwise, constantly come forward, in the living being under all conditions, whether the conditions appear to be positive or negative).
Throughout my life, I have been moved to Communicate (or to Reveal, to Transmit, and to Awaken) the fundamental Source and Substance and Condition of True Humor to others.
Ordinary humor can appear in many forms, as the seemingly undauntable mood of life-enjoyment, as the hilarious pleasure of laughter, as the fairy-tale ease of faith, as the self-congratulating certainty of mental knowledge, and as the overriding excitement of even all the greater and smaller bodily victories.
But True Humor has only one living Form (and one ultimate, or inherently perfect, Form), Which is Real God, Perfect Truth, or Reality Itself.
If my Purpose (even from the beginning of this lifetime) has always been to restore True Humor, and (likewise) if my Motive has always been Founded in the "Bright", death and the fear of death have (also from the beginning of this lifetime) always been the counter to my Presence — the source of contradiction, fear, mystery, and despair.
I contracted all of the childhood diseases, including a relatively mild case of polio, and, at times, became delirious with fever.
This suffering grew a certain depth in me as a boy, because outwardly there were few of the possible overwhelming tragedies. In delirium, I would experience tremendous fear and an awesome mortal separateness, such that death became very real to me during those incidents.
During one of those episodes, I believe when I was about five or six years old, I had a dream that impressed me very deeply.
I saw a neat green grass field moving up and away from me, and there was a beautiful full oak tree at its highest point, on the horizon. It was a clear blue day.
I did not see myself in the dream but felt as if I were stationed at my point of view at the base of the rise. There were three women in black gowns, like nuns, walking away from me, up the hill. And I felt this tremendous loss and separation, as if I were being left behind.
I woke up crying, with an intense fear of death. And I asked my mother about death. She tried to console me with assurances about God and the afterlife. But a fear was planted in me from that time, such that death was always thereafter a fascinating mystery to me.
I often thought about that dream. I felt it was not a dream at all, but a memory of past death, or an intuition of future death. And the importance of that dream, or of death itself, was never the fact itself.
For this reason, I never became particularly motivated to investigate spiritualistic psychism, which pursues the link between living beings and those who are outside this life.
For me, the interest in death has always been a matter of investigating, or deeply considering, the present relationship between life-consciousness and death.
I have not truly been concerned with where one goes after death. In my very earliest years, it was always clear to me that — no matter where one goes, or where one is — one is always the same fundamental Consciousness.
Indeed, I observed and experienced all events from the "Point of View" of the "Bright". I was Being that Radiant Consciousness, Which is untouched.
But I gradually became combined with the mortal experience of identification with the body-mind, and a great question arose in me, more and more persistently and profoundly: What is Consciousness (in Its living form, and altogether)?
What must occur within It for It to remain as It is (untouched and Free and Blissful) even while, in Its living form, It already bears the certainty (or the tacit knowledge) of death?
It was this question, felt as a true dilemma, which caused me to indulge in a rather awesome adventure some years later, when I was about nine years old.
My father and I shared a passion for animals, although my mother usually took care of them. I was given a black cocker spaniel named "Bootsie" as a present for Easter.
The cellar of our house was my free space — and I spent long hours secluded there or playing with friends, where I invented spaceships and boats for us to ride in. I kept a large chest of small toys and would play quietly there with my hoard.
I was not exclusively introverted, since I also constantly played outdoors and with friends in the woods all around us, but there was a strong interior activity in me that I also enjoyed without feeling the need for company.
The Knee of Listening The Divine Ordeal Of The Avataric Incarnation Of Conscious Light by Adi Da Samraj
Avatar Adi Da's Spiritual Autobiography tells the miraculous story of His unique Incarnation and Revelation in the West for the sake of Liberating all beings.
learn more ISBN: 1-57097-167-6 6" X 9" paperback, illustrated, 840 pages
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